So the first year I moved to Malmö was hell for me! Yes I had this amazing city to feel very lucky to live in and we had a new chance at life etc, which I was very grateful and lucky to get. However personally it was a very bumpy time for me. I went from having my family & friends close by, my horses for my hobby and a career to nothing!!
I was in a new city with no friends, no money, no prospects nothing and it was a very low point and put my marriage under a lot of stress and strain...
Then in the second year I got a break and I got a job, made some lifetime friends, had work colleagues, money, a fantastic summer, I had worked out how to manage the homesickness and the miracle of becoming pregnant. I had so much to look forward to, I could finally enjoy living in Malmö and all it had to offer.
January 2013 my gorgeous bundle of joy arrived and his first 12 months I spent being a new mummy to the most intelligent, cute, inspiring (I could go on) boy and loved every minute of it and luckily with Sweden's amazing maternity cover, did not have to worry about finances!!! However when he turned 1 years old I knew he had to start daycare to be able to grow as a toddler and to learn things that I could not teach him alone and he started daycare in the middle of February.
Since March, once I knew Aadi was settled at daycare and was loving every minute of being there, I knew I had made the right decision and started looking for work. I was contract in my old job before going on maternity so I didn't have a job to go back to. So I needed to look for a new one.
It is now the beginning of May and I am still looking for a job and the maternity money has been halved and is about to run out completely. We are already starting to struggle and the money worry arguments have started to creep back into our relationship. I've started feeling guilty for going out for a coffee so have started to stay in on my own, waiting for Aadi to finish daycare in the afternoons and started seeing less of everybody again!! Slowly alienating myself and becoming more upset every day.
With this, the homesickness is kicking back in, with the life would be better in the UK doubts flooding in and as already mentioned the relationship stress has come back!!! I look at my life and question why I had to take yet another stumble in life, another bump in the road with stress and no money and wonder why having no twenties wasn't enough!!
I try to stay positive, I really do!! Look at my gorgeous boy it's not hard to be positive for him but I also don't want to be the reason he ends up being brought up in the UK because I couldn't provide for him in Sweden. The best place he could possibly grow up!!!
I just feel like I am back to the beginning, back to year one when it was hell to be far away from home and unable to do anything to make it better.
I apply for jobs daily and constantly work on my CV and myself. Its so soul crushing to receive rejection email after rejection email and knowing that once the maternity money runs out we are stuck, won't survive and that our only option will be to return to the UK, I can't help but feel completely to blame.
I just hope something gives soon and I really pray that when I read this post in a years time it will have just been a blip, but right now I don't think so...
I was in a new city with no friends, no money, no prospects nothing and it was a very low point and put my marriage under a lot of stress and strain...
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| Beautiful Spring in Malmö |
January 2013 my gorgeous bundle of joy arrived and his first 12 months I spent being a new mummy to the most intelligent, cute, inspiring (I could go on) boy and loved every minute of it and luckily with Sweden's amazing maternity cover, did not have to worry about finances!!! However when he turned 1 years old I knew he had to start daycare to be able to grow as a toddler and to learn things that I could not teach him alone and he started daycare in the middle of February.
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| My Happy Gorgeous Boy |
It is now the beginning of May and I am still looking for a job and the maternity money has been halved and is about to run out completely. We are already starting to struggle and the money worry arguments have started to creep back into our relationship. I've started feeling guilty for going out for a coffee so have started to stay in on my own, waiting for Aadi to finish daycare in the afternoons and started seeing less of everybody again!! Slowly alienating myself and becoming more upset every day.
With this, the homesickness is kicking back in, with the life would be better in the UK doubts flooding in and as already mentioned the relationship stress has come back!!! I look at my life and question why I had to take yet another stumble in life, another bump in the road with stress and no money and wonder why having no twenties wasn't enough!!
I try to stay positive, I really do!! Look at my gorgeous boy it's not hard to be positive for him but I also don't want to be the reason he ends up being brought up in the UK because I couldn't provide for him in Sweden. The best place he could possibly grow up!!!
I just feel like I am back to the beginning, back to year one when it was hell to be far away from home and unable to do anything to make it better.
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| I have to stay positive for this Boy!! |
I just hope something gives soon and I really pray that when I read this post in a years time it will have just been a blip, but right now I don't think so...
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| It will break my heart to lose this... |
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